Developing Good Boundaries With Kids
It can be a struggle to give your kid adequate boundaries at the best of times. Most people have struggled with this issue. I know I have in the past. and even now sometimes when I am really busy the bed times go out the window because I am just too busy doing other things.
But what is it that we want to teach our kids by giving them boundaries? Should boundaries be flexible or should they be the same always? This is a tough question and there is no easy answer. Yes, you should always give your child boundaries as this helps them to feel secure. But as for flexibility that is another issue.
It would depend upon the degree of flexibility and what was being bent. I know if my ten year old daughter asks for a later bed time and her room is tidy I will usually say “yes”. That’s because one of her weaker areas is keeping her room tidy. So I figure if she is purring in extra effort somewhere it should be rewarded. That is my stance but not everyone should follow that rule. It really does depend on the child and the specifics.
With regards to safety I am inflexible. Safety is paramount. With regards to chores, once I allocate them, there is no flexibility about which day the chore will be done. However there is often flexibility about when during the day. I let my kids know that all chores must be done before dinner time. Then I leave them to figure out the specifics. This helps them develop independence and other crucial problem solving skills necessary for the adult world.
Kids need boundaries and will generally abide by them when you impose them. It is a good idea to discuss the boundaries before you enforce them so that the kids and you are united about what are good boundaries. If you are not sure, just ask the kids. They will usually be very fair about it, often imposing tougher boundaries than you would yourself.
Communication is the key here. If you think your boundaires are not working, have a family meeting and discuss why they aren’t working, and perhaps change a few rules. Just start with three or four rules. The fewer rules the better for your kids. And update regularly. Once something becomes a practice you will no longer need to enforce it as a household rule. Then you can think about some other area that possibly needs attention.
Lastly, let your child know that you give them boundaires because you love them. Ever heard of the kid that says “if you love me don’t do that to me”? Well, you can tell them, “I do it because I love you”. That’s just a few helpful hints towards developing good boundaries with your kids.
For more informaiton you can go to http://www.mychildcanbehave.com
