How Child Discipline Works Best
Ever wondered why some people are good at child discipline and others aren’t? Just like everything in life, there are strategies you need to follow in order to have a good outcome with your children. Allow me to share a recent incident in our family:
My 10 year old daughter Becky left a book at school. Not just any book. It was a library book that we had borrowed together form the public library. It wasn’t our property. That meant if she lost it someone would have to pay to replace it. And we had been through that scenario on more than one occasion previously.
I was preparing to go the library this afternoon when I realised what had happened. Everyone was gathering their stuff for the library when Beck came up to me and said “Mum, I just remembered, I left my library book at school”. “What a nuisance”, I thought to myself, “that means we will have to take an extra trip back to the library and that is very inconvenient”.
Perhaps some parents would feel the urge to say to their child “I TOLD YOU not to take that library book to school”. Now look at what has happened. That makes me so angry, bla bla bla…. Here’s what I said instead:
“OK, Beck. We have a problem here. What is the problem?” We need to remember that a problem defined is a problem half solved. Beck replied to me “I wasn’t supposed to take the book to school”. I responded to her, “what is the rule about library books?” Beck said to me “we shouldn’t take them to school”. Now we were just having a conversation and no-one was angry or upset so far.
I used this as a teaching tool and went on, “where else should we not take our library books?” Beck responded “I know, friend’s houses!” It was almost like we were having a little quiz and Beck seemed to be proud of her answer. “That’s right, I said. Great Becky, you’ll remember next time, won’t you?”
After this I said to her, “Now Beck, do you have something to say to me?” Beck very quickly said “I’m sorry mum for breaking our rule about library books”. And that was the end of it. Now can you see how I chose to deal with this issue? I turned around what could have been a growling session into a learning curve. And I can guarantee that Becky learned much more than if I had have growled at her for doing the wrong thing.
As parents we need to focus on where we are heading with our kids. Our job is to equip them and often we don’t actually need to do any growling to get the message across. I know there is a time for giving out consequences but I would like to suggest that perhaps those times should be few and far between. Remember that discipline is teaching, guiding, training. And this is how I choose to discipline my child.
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