Teaching Kids Instead Of Punishing Them?
Should we punish our kids? If so, how often and what for? Firstly, let me explain a difference to you. I discipline for three things: disobedience, disrespect and defiance. Anything else just doesn’t count as far as I am concerned. We need to concentrate on the major issues in life instead of focussing on the little things that don’t really matter that much.
Let me tell you a funny story: my 17 year old son recently got suspended from school for 20 days for doing a back somersault off a brick wall. Stupid? You bet. But you have to understand that my son is an acrobat and very talented in that department. How was he to know that the school would put his act in the category of “attempted suicide” and give him such a ridiculous punishment?
I rang the school and lodged a formal complaint, but it proved to be fruitless. So my son had to take his consequence. But I was very disappointed in the school for not realising the difference between disobedience and stupidity.
Today my daughter was home late from school. I could have blasted her but decided that I soft approach was the best option. So I said to her “Beck, what time did I tell you to be home from school?” Then I said to her that if anything happened to her I would be terribly upset. I asked her if she knew how much a diamond ring would cost to buy. Then I told her that she was much more valuable than a diamond ring and if anything ever happened to her that I would be devastated.
I decided upon that approach and she became quite emotional. I simply let her know why she needed to contact me if she was going to be home late from school. We talked about ringing me on the phone and I led her through all the options, so that she would know how to handle the same situation next time. And this is what true discipline is – teaching your child so that they are equipped for the next time to do things the right way.
It’s not our job to catch them out. What we want to do is equip them for the rest of their lives. I have no doubt in my mind that next time Beck will call me if she wants to go somewhere before coming home from school. She understand how important it is to call home and I have empowered her to do it right next time by teaching her “how” to do it next time. If we do our job right as a parent, there will not be much need for punishment at all and your child will thank you.
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