Children Dealing With Grief
Well I sat down to write about discipline today but nothing would come out. You see, two of my friends died yesterday in a car crash on the Sunshine Motorway. So I had to write about what was on my mind.
I have three teenage boys and they are good friends with the son of the two people who were tragically taken yesterday. We got the phone call and then suddenly I had to forget about myself and think about how I was going to help my children cope with the grief of their friend’s loss of both parents so suddenly.
Grief is a funny thing. Everyone grieves in different ways. As parents we need to watch our kids and take our cues from them. We live in a close knit community and within an hour everyone had heard the news. Our church was opened up and everyone congregated to cry together and chat about the events of the day.
I watched my three boys and they were amazing. They found their friends and they just sat together silently with their mates, arms around each other . I stood at a distance just to make sure that their needs were being met. That’s what being a great parent is all about, making sure that your kids have their needs met first.
After half an hour or so, one of the boys decided to text the boy, whose name is Callan. They just had to make contact to let him know that they were thinking of him. Callan texted them back and before you knew it, they called him and put him on speaker phone so that everyone could have a good chat to him. What great mates they are!
The boys hung for a couple of hours just taking it all in and then they decided to all join together today to hit the beach, which was his father’s favourite place. I decided that my boys would not be productive at school after hearing such upsetting news so I let them plan a day out with Callan to help him come to terms with his grief.
Next week there will no doubt be a funeral and of course all my chidren will be going to that to say their good byes and also to support Callan. As I tucked my kids in to bed last night I said to them, “make sure you kiss me good night every single night. You never know when it could be your last good night”.
It is very sad when tragedies hit any family. But at times like these your kids will look to you for support and comfort. They will be watching you like a hawk to see if you are angry, bitter, resentful. Now I know that all of these are normal feelings but we need to model the very best things to our children.
Last night as we were at church the Pastor stood up and said something very profound. He said that as a church we needed to immediately write a letter of forgiveness to the poor 75 year old man who took the lives of our precious friends in this accident. Wow! That blew me away! Such an attitude at a time like this. How I hope I could have that very same attitude if I was in that situation of losing a loved one. I’m not sure that I could to it, but I’d like to think that I would.
Well enough said about this incident. It will long live on in my memory. But here’s the thing, when you practice forgiveness the pain can go away. Memories will always be there but the pain will eventually go away. So please parents, give your kids an extra special hug tonight because you never know when it might be your last cuddle.
One of my favourite bible verses is found in Ephesians chapter four, verse 32. It talks about forgiving one another. Why don’t you take a look at your bible today? I have found that the bible always gives me answers in my times of need.
