I remember as a child been told what to do and when. I remember the lack of freedom and the feeling of not having a voice. Being controlled and yelled at. I learnt to do what I was told. Now as a parent I have worked very hard to let go of being a parent who instructs or controls, just like I was parented. I had to unlearn this behaviour and find a way that results in freedom rather than suppression. For my children's sake and for my fulfillment as a parent.
My Husband and I parent our 4 children through choice. We give them them choices and explain the outcomes for each choice and they learn from it each and everytime. This type of parenting takes patience because they make poor choices but they learn from this. They are always informed of the consequences, good and bad depending on the choice they make. They learn in their own time to make a better choice next time if they had made a bad choice. They grow as they learn and they become independant and confident. I gave my daughter choices from very early on. She was given the choice of what to wear as soon as she understood the concept. There were days that I didn't agree with what she wore but I never said anything. She was drawn to what colours she wanted to wear and what made her feel comfortable and happy in for the day. By giving her choice we avoided the terrible 2's. She didn't have to throw a tantrum to make me listen to what she was saying. I was already listening. As she grew and and made a bad choice there were consequences and so she learnt very quickly. Let me give you an example. If I asked her to pick up her toys and put them away and she said no. I explained the reasons for packing toys away and what may happen if she left them on the ground that they might get damaged. And they did. The dog chewed the head off one of her dolls. She realised she made a bad choice and has rarely left her toys out on the floor since.
Parenting through choice means your child learns in their own time so you need to be patient. As they get older they learn to make their own choices by being independant of you. They learn a bad choice means bad consequences such as not studying for an exam means failing (had that occur in the house too). With this example the feeling of failing an exam had a far greater impact and influence to study next time than nagging from us to study.
One more example was when I asked for help with dinner and a certain child made a bad choice and said no he was too busy. Later in the week when that child needed a lift to a friend's house I said no I was too busy, just like you chose not to help me. Once he overcame the shock of me saying no, he understood the lesson loud and clear.
This type of parenting is based on a spiritual approach. Parenting the child to help them grow and be independant individuals. I have been accredited by Sphinx Spiritual as a Medium, Parent Coach and Spiritual Counsellor and it is my passion to teach and inspire parents to thrive in life rather than just survive.
For help with parenting you can contact me for a consultation via skype of face to face on firstname.lastname@example.org