The Not So Ugly Step Mother

18 May 2017

Parent Coach & Spiritual Counsellor

As a little girl I loved the story of Cinderella and dreamt of being just like her, meeting my handsome prince living happily ever after...

 

Fast forward 40 years and instead of Cinderella I have found myself a step mother minus the ugly pardon me!  After 5 years of being a single mother with my young son my prince finally arrived but with 2 young boys in tow.  And so my journey of step parenting began.  No experience, no how to book, I had become a mother of 3 boys what felt like overnight.  Shock horror I was ill prepared and the ugly was creeping in.

 

I needed help, advice anything and everything that would help my family survive the challenges that were coming thick and fast.  Different behaviours and habits which were new to me, different parenting styles, different eating habits, extra laundry, triple the food required, reduced privacy, and lack of space.  More noise, more mess, more everything.  Amongst the internal challenges there were external pressures  too.  Life was survival of the fittest and all of us carrying our own emotional baggage – Ugly!

 

I was trying to get to know my new step sons and it wasn’t easy.  They were different from me in every way.  I was a stranger to them and needed to earn their trust.  I wanted this new fairy tale (could think of a few other words to describe it) to work.  I could see the bigger picture.  I just needed to know how to get there.

 

So with determination, passion and perhaps some moments of insanity I committed to my new role.  I turned to what I knew, a spiritual approach, looking on the inside, my inner self. With every negative emotion which raised its ugly head (resentment, frustration, intolerance and so on) I explored what was going on inside of me.  I faced my ugly side.  I accepted that it was a part of me but a part which I could change.  I opened my heart to these boys for they were an extension of their dad who I loved.  I found compassion for the road they had travelled.  I accepted their annoying traits; I started to enjoy them and my heart started to love them.  I extended myself beyond what I thought was possible.  I put myself in their shoes.  I grew in tolerance, acceptance and in love. 

 

Fast forward another 6 years and with another child added to the mix, (a girl thank you very much!) I love my step boys.  We share our lives, we hug, they help me, they respect me and I respect them. I still have to check in on the inside when the ugly creeps back occasionally but it’s easier now to change and the benefits are obvious.  My relationship with the boys grows.   They are my family now.  I have changed so much.  I have grown and I am proud to be their step mother.

 

For a blended family to survive support is paramount.  I can help you and your family. Contact me for a private consultation face to face or via Skype. deanne@parentwithpassion.com

 

 

 

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