Thanks to my son he has helped me face my darker side. The side I didn't like, the parts that made me feel uncomfortable inside. From an early age he started to teach me to change. He pushed my buttons. Every single one of them. Every single day. Feelings of frustration, intolerance, anxiety and anger. These feelings were not known to me, or perhaps had always been there but buried deep inside. He continued to push my buttons with his behaviour and actions and I didn't like the mother I was becoming, one who yelled and lived in frustration.
I knew something wasn't right, that life shouldn't feel this way. So I sought help from a very wise couple whom I trusted. I was made aware that my son was teaching me what I needed to learn and where I needed to grow. This concept resonated with me. I was already committed to my personal growth and this stage in my life was the next springboard forward - if took notice. I remember changing overnight. Well, changing my attitude and then putting it into practice. When I felt my buttons being pressed, I paused before reacting, I took a look inside of me and started to explore what I needed to change. From that time forward I realised behaviours I had been copying which I had learnt as a child. Traits I didn't like about my parents I was now displaying. That realisation came with another springboard to change. I didn't want to teach my son such negative behaviours and he was teaching me to change at the same time. He pushed, I dug deeper inside. Slowly I was changing, letting go old shadows from the closet, I was feeling better on the inside and life was starting to be better on the outside. He pushed less as I started to learn and change. I took accountability for my life, my behaviour and my actions and he reflected. He could see and feel the change and he no longer needed to push those buttons for they were disappearing.
My son is 12 now and I am so grateful to him for teaching me. I am a changed women and mother because I took notice of his behaviour and how it was making me react. The problem was with me not him. My heart is full of love for him, for putting up with my poor parenting in the earlier days and for persisting with me in teaching me to grow. He actually said to me the other day "Mum you are such a better parent now", I can't turn back the clock but I am passionate now about being the best mum I can be through learning from my children what they are teaching me. Thank you my lovely son, I am a much better parent now.
If you feel like you could talk to someone about what is going on inside of you I would love to help you too, to make the changes towards greater contentment as a parent. You can contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org for face to face consultations or Skype.