It is easy to say my child doesn’t listen. My child doesn’t co operate, is rude, angry, yells, obnoxious, overbearing and so on. But where did they learn this? Somewhere along the way we need to take accountability for some of their behaviour. They learnt it or are copying it from someone.
Over the last fifteen years I have attended many workshops and conferences around personal growth. I have watched many people including myself, be vulnerable, be exposed, address emotional pain and let sadness go. The common theme was a lot of the pain was from childhood. As humans we store all our hurts and pains and memories within our body until someone pushes the right button and we explode. Our behaviour is affected by our negative emotions. Our tolerance runs out, our demands are high, we get angry and we functioning far from a pure state of love and peace within.
Whether it was mum or dad was never around, didn’t show enough love, yelled all the time, was too strict, lacked the ability to be nurturing, there was rejection, violence, anger, disrespect, overbearing parents, whatever the issue, pain was the outcome as a result.
Children need love; in fact we all need love. To increase love we need to reduce negativity. We need to be accountable for our actions. Treat others with equality and let our ego go.
The negative cycle in parenting is very real. We parent the way we were parented unless we decide not to and do a heap of work on ourselves to break the pattern. You know that feeling when you say something and you shiver because you sound just like your mother/father and you don’t want to sound just like them. You remember it didn’t feel great to be on the receiving end all those years ago and it certainly doesn’t feel great to deliver the same words and tone. But somewhere in your body for 30 odd years or so you have stored those words and tone for the right moment when you are pushed.
A real life example of the negative cycle is a woman born into a harsh environment. Father was an alcoholic and avoided all responsibilities of fatherhood. Mother struggled with life and lacked the ability to be loving and nurturing and fell in and out of depression with nothing to offer to her children. The children learnt nothing about love, but only how to survive such negativity. As adults the once children now are faced with attracting similar partners as their parents, attracting only what they know. Faced with not knowing how to love only to be negative and fearful. It is only through choice and determination to change, to learn about love to be free of negativity that their own children stand a chance.
Holding onto pain can lead to bitterness and resentment. Another real life example was a single mother resenting the hardship of life. She lacked compassion for her children’s pain of having their parents separated and living between homes on a week to week basis. Mum was caught up in self pity and couldn’t see that her children needed her to get on with life, to be an example of strength and conviction and to nurture them through their pain of their parents’ divorce. Through support mum was able to find help in moving forward, find her softness again and give her love freely to her children.
No one is expected to be a perfect parent but to reduce the level of emotional pain in the world we are the ones that need to start making change. With 10 years of nursing under my belt I have seen many people take their last breath. Never in that moment has it been about how much money you have made or the fancy car but it is always about love. How much love you have grown and created by letting go of negativity. It’s too late then so why not start now.
It doesn’t feel nice to look at your ugly side, but in changing negativity you can have a ripple effect on those around you. Healthier relationships, fulfilment in parenting and happier kids. But most of all, a deep inner peace that you have let go your pain and feel better about yourself and happier in life with determination to give more love. And you have broken the negative cycle.
If you are ready to change contact me and I will help you on your journey. You can contact me on
0413 316 079 or firstname.lastname@example.org