It’s OK. That’s what I want to say when I see a Mum struggling.
It’s OK I know how you feel. It's OK I believe in you.
My heart goes out to new Mums who are struggling with the demands of a new baby. Some Mums just slip into the role without a hiccup but others... It’s OK.
It is challenging when feelings of resentment, anger, sadness, depression, guilt, loneliness crept in and you just don’t feel you anymore. Where did your life go? Who are you now?
I get it when I see a Mum struggling with a toddler who is having a full blown tantrum. It’s hard. It’s exhausting. Who ever thought you would spend half your day loosing battles with a three year old.
“I didn’t know I could be so angry until I had children”, a Mum in the playground said. “I just didn’t know I had that in me.”
And that brings me to my point. Children are great little and big teachers.
Let that thought wash around in your mind for a minute. Children teaching us about us.
I know my son taught me to look at all my negative traits. Once I stopped having a pity party and feeling sorry for myself (for no good reason), I realised I needed to let go of some really negative patterns which I had learnt from my own childhood. I am grateful now, over a decade later, for those difficult days as a single mum with a two year old who made me look into the mirror and change. I won’t deny that reminiscing about some of those days brings a very heavy heart full of guilt. But I also know I can’t change the past and only move on with a commitment to being better.
So how does this help Mums who are currently struggling with the roller coaster of emotions? I encourage you to look at it from another angle. Is your child teaching you to be more patient or tolerant? Is your child teaching you that you need some time out and need to also look after your own needs? Is your child teaching you that you can push yourself to your limit and still bounce back? That you are one resilient woman. Are you being taught to not be so controlling or demanding? Are you being taught to bring back your softness?
It is possible that children teach us. I’ve lived it and still living it and also see it regularly with clients.
Personal growth is rewarding once you are on the other side of what you have had to learn. And it is hard to look at your dark side or your negative habits and patterns. So you have a choice. Stay that way or change. If you choose not to do anything you give up your right to complain about it. But if the discomfort of being stuck is not for you, accept the challenge and go for it. It’s OK to struggle; it’s OK to have those darker feelings because it is from here the opportunity is right there in front of us for change and you can do it.
Most people need support to make changes so I advise you to reach out to who you are drawn to help you on your journey of discovery. It’s a road very much worth it and one day you will thank your children for the gift of teaching you about you.
If you would like to talk to me about your feelings please contact me on 0413 316 079 Deanne